Ready to clear my head, and move on to the rest of my life

There are negative things and difficult changes that happened in my life that serve a purpose. I believe they do, at least. Even though I learned from those events, I feel at this point they are hindering more than helping. They affect my attitude, my outlook, my reactions to people and to emotions, and until I had something new and positive come along in my life, I never realized how significantly the negative things were holding me back from letting in and enjoying the positive.

Thrown at you like a stone, painful events hit you and then fall away after a moment, a few hours, a few days…but there’s always a bruise. But how long will it take to go away? Some hurt more intensely and show the least because they are deep beneath the surface. Some are emblazoned with bright purple and blue, dramatic, but fade quickly.

I feel battered and bruised. Tougher on the outside because of it, which fends off future bruising, but the early ones sit there, and even harsh new bruises, linger. They distract and eat away at the carefree person I was when I was younger. I miss the way I used to be. More quiet, definitely naive, but I took in everything around me freely because I didn’t need a filter, or a wall. Life was life and every experience was new and even the painful ones I cherished because I learned something about myself.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped learning about myself and began controlling what I did and how I acted, even who I met because I knew how to deal more easily with the bad stuff. Now that something good has come along, I’m so built up with the other crap, that I need to process it before I miss out on something I’ve been waiting for.

Inspired by the 'Career' Issue of the PR Strategist magazine

Women work, as do men. However, since the 60s and 70s women have been treading up a hill (not to sound like a feminist, because I’m not) in order to reach their professional goals. They’ve had to endure backlash of the emotional kind, dealing with sexism, making less money and having to work much harder than men in order to break through the glass ceiling.

What I see today is a culture where women, though not ENTIRELY equal (stats say we still get paid less than our equal male counterparts), we’ve come so far and are successful business women with satisfying careers. But what happens then, when a woman wants a family?

I’ve been fascinated by this topic since college, having majored in Journalism, a historically male dominated field, the question came up long before I would have even thought about wanting a family. In the time since then I haven’t found an answer that I’m comfortable with.

We live in one of the least family friendly countries in the world. Shocked? I’m not. When long work weeks are coveted by business leaders, how is a mother – or a father for that matter – going to get home to cook dinner? Bathe their child(ren), read them a bed time story, and tuck them in?

The responsibility, either by nature or by culture (I believe it’s both, whether for good or bad), of running a family and especially rearing children, gravitates toward the woman, the child bearer.

Here’s where I – and from the things I’ve read, many other women ¬¬¬¬¬– become a little anxious and confused. Women, as a gender, have been through a lot in the last 40 years and have come very far. Does this mean that we are negating any part of that movement by choosing to stay home to raise a family? Or working part time, or from home? For all that we’ve worked for in building a career in our younger years, do we then put an irremovable wrench in the gears of our professional lives by taking maternity, or extended leave? Is that fair? It’s our choice. It’s the company’s job to run a business. But why are women (as I have read) passed over for promotions because they leave ‘on time?’

Inevitably, there are many sides to this discussion and many opinions. I only hope that women stand behind their own beliefs, not those of their company, their family, or their culture. It is a matter of desire, priority, and understanding what it will take to make you happy. Whether that’s a career and no children, or a true renaissance lifestyle with the best of both career and motherhood, or dare I say, going the old fashioned way and staying home with young ones to witness every smile, gurgle, step and fall, we should all feel confident to choose happiness. After all, not even men can have it all.