Things change, something old becomes new

Many years ago I went to UConn and met a group of my sisters friends. Fun people. Then, I went my separate way and went to two other colleges, met my own friends. As life proves to be cyclical, so too I am finding, are friendships.

The UConn group experienced a rift, a split between my sis and another girl in which that group took the other girls side sending my sis off spinning and feeling hurt and disheartened by the idea that friendships, like many things, can one day decide to fail. So, too, did another girl who briefly joined this group, experience a sudden, fierce, and cold turn away from her. Why? Both my sis and friend have their theories. The truth? I've been lucky to learn that after several years...the truth is irrelevant, immature, and long, long gone.

My BF, Eric, has always remained true to both sides of that overdramatic and silly rift. Now, dating him, I've finally met this group as not some one's little sister, but as a significant other, who hoped very much to be significant to this group also.

I was truly exasperated, and all kinds of pleased at how warm everyone has been. One girl in particular, once notorious for her ability to ignore people in groups, making them feel less than welcome, has come to me with open arms and a clean slate. A clean slate that she believed was soiled long ago by one person in particular who wreaked negative havoc where ever she went. In other words, all is gone, all is forgotten. People are happy in their lives and all the menial things that happened years ago that can't even be remembered today have been absolved. Yay! Let the good times, and good friends, keep rollin'!

Just an update

I guess today, besides the vodka link, I'll take some time to say hello to the people who read my blog (hi guys!) and let you know that things are going pretty darn well.

Work continues to be a bright spot for me. I'm getting better at what I do, we just won 6 awards out of the 7 we entered into a regional PR award show. We also got Best in Show (hehe...and advertising didn't get it this year in their show after a 3 year streak). I also got a random call from a recruiter about some position, which I haven't called them back because I'm happy riiiight here. :)

Love life is awesome, sometimes to the point I can't quite wrap my head around it! It's effortless. It's honest. And it's fun, and I love it. Though still getting used to having someone around who is everything a BF should be. It's sorta sad that it's odd to me. But he's training me well and he's so generous.

AND I'm still thrilled stupid about becoming and aunt (and an Aunt-in-law!!!) in early 2009. That's right, Shawn's sister Nancy is Preggers also!!!! 3-4 weeks behind Sherri. The race is on for the first Craver grandchild. EEK! BABIES EVERYWHERE! it'll be fanTAStic.

That's all for now...i'm off to do some busy work until 5:30, see y'all soon.

Pretty Vodka

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/food/delicious-skittles-vodka-190403/

Stuff

"It's about moving forward, not looking back."

"Things change"

Apparently, some very complicated feelings can be comforted somewhat by rather over simplified comments. awesome....

Help the Woodland creatures...they're cute.

I decided to begin a campaign for little animals. This time of year, fluffy bunnies, randy birdies, and trillions of squirrels are out and about enjoying the weather (and mating season) just as much as we humans are. The unfortunate part is that many humans enjoy the sun and fresh air riding around in gas-thirsty motor vehicles.

Not a big issue to us, other than gas prices, but to the animals?? They get the entirely crappy end of the deal. First, roads and highways keep little fuzzy animals from crossing to new feeding and mating grounds. So we get very hungry, inbred animals. This happens a lot to deer. Second, the vehicles themselves…what a tragedy! I saw a cute chipmunk the other day who scurried confidently across a very busy West Hartford road, made it out of the way of my car and under the wheel of an oncoming car. I saw the whole thing in slow motion. The sad part…is that the wheel only crushed the little guys shoulder and front leg, so he got thrown off balance, having to gather the ambition to make it the rest of the way across with half of his body destroyed, where he likely stayed til he died. Or maybe he made it to the woods, but as far as I know, no veterinarians live in the woods to help out injured animals such as this little chipmunk. The poor guy got totally screwed out of a great summer.

I later ran over a squirrel, though some how he made it out from under my car unscathed. And today, (though according to Darwin, I may have been doing the gene pool a favor had I not come to a complete stop) I encountered a rather scraggly squirrel playing on the side of the road with a much better kempt playmate. He stupidly ran out into the street and then made a sharp turn to head down the street in the direction I was traveling. I stopped. One, because he looked so goofy with his messy fur and half mangled tail, two, because I felt bad that he was not as smart as his playmate who was safely in the grass still, and three, because I’ve been getting so disheartened by all the animals getting run over lately. Most upsetting are the deer who frolic out of the woods on a mission for some dinner and end up getting spanked by a Mack truck barreling down I-84 and splattered, very literally, across the pavement. So sad.

I say all this to say to all of you, please keep an eye out for these little woodland creatures. Yes they’re cute, but also, the mess they leave behind when run over is a really big downer when commuting to work everyday. So in that regard, I suppose this rant is more a campaign to keep the roads gut-free than to let the little guys live. I mean, really, most of them are highly populous in Connecticut anyway. (I’m actually kidding here, guys, they deserve to live here too!!) my next bumper sticker is going to say “I break for little animals.”

Ready to clear my head, and move on to the rest of my life

There are negative things and difficult changes that happened in my life that serve a purpose. I believe they do, at least. Even though I learned from those events, I feel at this point they are hindering more than helping. They affect my attitude, my outlook, my reactions to people and to emotions, and until I had something new and positive come along in my life, I never realized how significantly the negative things were holding me back from letting in and enjoying the positive.

Thrown at you like a stone, painful events hit you and then fall away after a moment, a few hours, a few days…but there’s always a bruise. But how long will it take to go away? Some hurt more intensely and show the least because they are deep beneath the surface. Some are emblazoned with bright purple and blue, dramatic, but fade quickly.

I feel battered and bruised. Tougher on the outside because of it, which fends off future bruising, but the early ones sit there, and even harsh new bruises, linger. They distract and eat away at the carefree person I was when I was younger. I miss the way I used to be. More quiet, definitely naive, but I took in everything around me freely because I didn’t need a filter, or a wall. Life was life and every experience was new and even the painful ones I cherished because I learned something about myself.

Somewhere along the way, I stopped learning about myself and began controlling what I did and how I acted, even who I met because I knew how to deal more easily with the bad stuff. Now that something good has come along, I’m so built up with the other crap, that I need to process it before I miss out on something I’ve been waiting for.

Inspired by the 'Career' Issue of the PR Strategist magazine

Women work, as do men. However, since the 60s and 70s women have been treading up a hill (not to sound like a feminist, because I’m not) in order to reach their professional goals. They’ve had to endure backlash of the emotional kind, dealing with sexism, making less money and having to work much harder than men in order to break through the glass ceiling.

What I see today is a culture where women, though not ENTIRELY equal (stats say we still get paid less than our equal male counterparts), we’ve come so far and are successful business women with satisfying careers. But what happens then, when a woman wants a family?

I’ve been fascinated by this topic since college, having majored in Journalism, a historically male dominated field, the question came up long before I would have even thought about wanting a family. In the time since then I haven’t found an answer that I’m comfortable with.

We live in one of the least family friendly countries in the world. Shocked? I’m not. When long work weeks are coveted by business leaders, how is a mother – or a father for that matter – going to get home to cook dinner? Bathe their child(ren), read them a bed time story, and tuck them in?

The responsibility, either by nature or by culture (I believe it’s both, whether for good or bad), of running a family and especially rearing children, gravitates toward the woman, the child bearer.

Here’s where I – and from the things I’ve read, many other women ¬¬¬¬¬– become a little anxious and confused. Women, as a gender, have been through a lot in the last 40 years and have come very far. Does this mean that we are negating any part of that movement by choosing to stay home to raise a family? Or working part time, or from home? For all that we’ve worked for in building a career in our younger years, do we then put an irremovable wrench in the gears of our professional lives by taking maternity, or extended leave? Is that fair? It’s our choice. It’s the company’s job to run a business. But why are women (as I have read) passed over for promotions because they leave ‘on time?’

Inevitably, there are many sides to this discussion and many opinions. I only hope that women stand behind their own beliefs, not those of their company, their family, or their culture. It is a matter of desire, priority, and understanding what it will take to make you happy. Whether that’s a career and no children, or a true renaissance lifestyle with the best of both career and motherhood, or dare I say, going the old fashioned way and staying home with young ones to witness every smile, gurgle, step and fall, we should all feel confident to choose happiness. After all, not even men can have it all.

Things blossom in the Spring besides flowers

It's been a long stretch, and several years of growing up, getting focused, unfocused, then refocused. There were people in my life all along that I hoped would remain, and have. Some that I tried and hoped to connect with but who have left my life in a move that later made me thankful for their exit. I've learned a lot about people, how they look at friendships, how I look at friendships. I learned that they can be the center that holds you together when you're about to explode into a million angry fragments, or the backbone that keeps you upright when you'd rather melt into a puddle on the floor.

They're a smile when you need it most, or when you didn't even know you needed one. They're the troopers that will always show at your parties when you want to be surrounded by fun. They are a cast of characters in your life that each serve a very different, beautiful, important and absolutely vital purpose in your world. It took 26 years to evolve into a group of friends that I love for who they are, and who love me for me. People go forever without finding maybe more than one or two, and I've found a whole bunch of 'em. And it makes me grateful for always standing by my standards, the ones that tell me when I think I might be getting screwed. The kind that keep the good in, and the bad out. I've tested these standards many times, and they haven't failed me yet, and the result is astounding, inspiring and all together...awesome.

I feel at home in my life, more so now than ever before, and though I have a ways to go before I'm "settled" as they say, I know that I'm on the right path today to get there, and I have the perfect people on board to join me and help me get there. Not only that, but one friend has emerged to me in a way I couldn't have imagined. They were there all along, a good friend, though not too close. But one who never failed to respond to a call for a good time, or a call to bail out one of my loved ones.

A friend has emerged in the form of what is a blossoming romance. A true testament that friendship is so often the door to something more beautiful, stronger and more satisfying than any other type of relationship I have yet experienced. I gave this friendship a chance to be something more, and it's grown quickly but very truthfully and honestly, into a relationship. I'm thrilled to have a friend who wants the things I want, who is attracted to me the way I am to them, who has fun doing the same things and the same sense of excitement and exploration that impassions my life. I can only wonder what may come for us down the road, but the beginning is the most fun. I intend to have an amazing time dating, and getting to better know, my friend, and boyfriend, Eric.

Spring has sprung (for real)

I'm ready for the warm weather, sunny skies, hikes, swimming, sunning, playing, biking...being outside. Last summer was my "I'm going to be ridiculous and reckless because I'm 25 and single" summer. I'm looking forward to doing a little work on my condo, perhaps spiffing up the kitchen cabinets, a coat of paint in my room, organize my closets...anything to make it feel more homey.

I also hope to spend more time having small gatherings with friends at my place, and maybe inviting myself to my friends houses on random summer days. I'm also looking forward to the possibilities that (I think) exist with dating a long-time, good friend of mine. He's someone fun, and someone I never realized I had so much in common with, someone I already know is not a douche-bag, or a liar, or a nut job. We shall see what the Spring and summer bring!!

Anyway, what a blessing of a day today was. Absolutely gorgeous.

Moving on and having fun

Believe it or not, a group of colleagues (the usual Happy Hour crowd) decided to expand our horizons this week. And I'm thrilled about it because it's no longer about getting together to stand around, drink and stare at each other, we have actual planned activities.

Yesterday was our first try...and we went rollerskating! It was pretty fun, actually, they played "oldies", by which they mean, the cool stuff you used to listen to in jr. high and high school. Yes, it made us all feel a little old but, it was worth it to get in some good old fashioned fun at Ron-a-Roll's "turn back time Tuesday" roller skating event.

And my buddy Jason fell flat on his ass in front of us. I've never seen anyone turn so RED! Fortunately, only his ego was bruised.

Next Thursday is Karaoke...a true passion of mine. People are shocked that i'm actually going to sing...which is a little dumb...cuz it's karaoke (hello people!), and someone else is DEFINITELY getting dragged up there with me, ha! They have NO idea what they're in for. Such a good, silly time.

But as silly as it is, it's more mature than drinking for the sake of drinking, which to me is the most important thing right now.

Why am I okay with the silly stuff? Well, for me it took an extremely frightening event to scare the crap out of me, and to scare me away from getting drunk. I never thought I'd have pushed the drinking thing as far as I did this winter. There was always someone going out, always something happening on the weekends, and i was always one of the fun, single, partiers that everyone knew they could count on to attend. Well...that's all well and good until you completely forget a night, and wake up in another town, with someone you don't remember meeting, talking to, dancing with, going home with....etc. It's scary, and a slippery slope, and I was naive to think I could keep pushing the drinking to the edge. I had compelte control and then...nothing...for hours.

I didn't drink at all for 2 weeks after that, then only with my sister cuz she was "safe", and now, only if something is going on, and only a few. No reason to ever, ever, EVER experience anything like that again. But it's incredible how many other perspectives of mine were influenced by that night. I want to do things for me, no one else. If I don't want to go out, I'm not going to go. If I go out and want to drink cranberry and seltzers all night...I don't need to tell people why I'm not drinking. I want to relax, enjoy my job, my friends, and my family. And it's tough to do that if I'm too drunk, or too hungover, to remember.

Also...on shoes

And...the next time a guy asks why girls like shoes so much, or call me a typical girl just for buying a pair....I'm going to explain to them it's the same thing with sports cars, motorcycles, sports, and lingerie....can you live without them? sure! But life's much better with them in your life.

So suck it up men! :o)

SHOES!

A few weeks ago, a group of us girls got together for woman day. We made a stop at the local VIP (sex shop done tastefully). Since I'm single, my friend Jeannine suggested buying sexy undies for me so I can feel sexy no matter my situation. I discovered something that suited my more extroverted personality. HOT SHOES!!! I feel sexy, flirty, and a little more sophisticated than my ususaly Payless footwear. They're fantastic, and though they make me 6'0 tall...that just means I need to find men that are 6'1"

I can NOT wait to wear them out and show off my confident sexy stride....as long as i don't trip in them...HA!

Another one bites the dust, again

Well, it's been a bad week. Nick broke up with me. He got scheduled to work 12 hour shifts, 7 days a week for the next 3 weeks.

He says:

-We're too far from each other, it be better if we were closer.
-he's got things he needs to figure out.
-he's tied to the sub base.
-can't be a good bf right now.
-"i don't think either of us were in love with the other anyway"
-don't wait for him
-but maybe later if we're both single and things are looking brighter for him

Whatever...i'm not shocked or mad. Just extremely disappointed that he'd just give up so easily, so quickly. but i appreciated the honesty, and who knows...who knows....

SO, fortunately, i decided to go up to Boston this weekend, prior to the bad news, now it will just be more fun...sorta....